Think, Men! Think!

A man & wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.

The wife turns to her husband and says “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

1. Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. ~ Jane Austen
2. Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. ~ George Bernard Shaw
3. A married couple are well suited when both partners usually feel the need for a quarrel at the same time. ~ Jean Rostand
4. The only way a woman can marry now is to agree to become a charwoman, regardless of her education and skills. ~ Margaret Mead
5. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: “Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly.” Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. ~ Ruth Smythers
6. I’d like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. ~ Carrie Snow
7. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher…and that is a good thing for any man. ~ Socrates
8. Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman. ~ Herbert Spencer
9. Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. ~ Gloria Steinem
10. If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody in the whole wide world, don’t trust him. It means he experiments. A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth; with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished. ~ Frank P. Tebbetts
11. Every woman should marry—and no man. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
12. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~ Lana Turner
13. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
14. Advice to persons about to marry. ‘Don’t.’ ~ Anonymous
15. Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. ~ Voltaire
16. Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution. ~ Mae West
17. Any one must see at a glance that if men and women marry those whom they do not love, they must love those whom they do not marry. ~ Harriet Martineau
18. Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. ~ Oscar Wilde
19. Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other’s character before marriage, which is never advisable. – Oscar Wilde
20. A bachelor lives like a king and dies like a beggar. ~ L. S. Lowry
21. Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women? ~ Virginia Woolf
22. He said that, by God, D. H. Lawrence was right when he had said there must be a dumb, dark, dull, bitter belly-tension between a man and woman, and how else could this be achieved save in the long monotony of marriage? ~ Stella Gibbons
23. Hanging and wiving goes by destiny. ~ William Shakespeare
24. The early marriages of silly children…where…every woman is married before she well knows how serious a matter human life is. ~ Harriet Martineau
25. Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~ Isadora Duncan
26. As a general rule, people marry most happily with their own kind. The trouble lies in the fact that people usually marry at an age where they do not really know what their own kind is. ~ Robertson Davies
27. Being married six times shows a degree of optimism over wisdom, but I am incorrigibly optimistic. ~ Norman Mailer
28. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing. ~ Anonymous
29. Composed that monstrous animal a husband and wife. ~ Henry Fielding
30. Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long together, if ever we had been married? ~ John Gay