What? Your mom’s going to be staying with us? Why don’t you ask me before you tell her she can? You know how I feel about her….

The statement above isn’t something new for married couples. It’s a conversation that most husbands and wives get into, time after time. Although I would like to think I am way different from a typical male since I have no macho attitude, the statement above applies to me as well. So yes, I myself despise my mother in law. Before I go any further into this post, I would just like to remind my female readers that this might not be true about your mother. This is my mother in law I am talking about in this post which mostly is true for most men when it comes to the reason why they despise their mother in law .

Here are 5 reasons why I despise my mother in law which I am sure is true for most men,

They Are My Kids, Not Yours

Sound Familiar? Yup, that’s the mother in law right there. When you do something it automatically becomes wrong just cause you are her son in law. But the same thing when done by your kids ( her grand kids ) it becomes right, just cause they are her grand kids. How about the fact she tries to teach you how to raise your own kids? Don’t we men just hate that? As a dad we have our own little ways to try to shape our kids’ future and such, but the grandma has to step in and tell you what to do and what not to. And what makes it worse is the fact she does it right infront of the grandkids. This obviously makes you mad since she is sending a message to the kids indirectly which says, ” What your dad is doing isn’t right. This is what you should do.” I just hate that. Don’t teach me how to raise my kids. Ohh how I hate my mother in law!! Strong word but it’s a fact.

Why The Heck is It Wrong When I do It?

The other thing that I hate, just hate about my mother in law is the differentiation she does between her son and me. Ohhhh no….. I don’t want to be her son…..no way … just the fact that when her son does something with his wife it’s ok, cause he is her son. But if I do the same thing it’s not ok cause I am her son in law. It seems like mother in laws tend to make our lives hard and they don’t even have to try it, it just comes to them naturally.

How come it’s ok for her son to take his wife out to movies while a babysitter watches their children. And when I do the same thing she says , “Ummmm….Don’t you think you should stay home with the kids so she can have some time alone?” WTF? I give her time alone but I do want to spend some time with her as well. Why is her son a great husband when he takes his wife out to dinner and when I plan on doing the same thing I am an ass? That makes sense…NOT!

Can We Go Easy on The Avon Perfumes

I think this is true for most mother in laws. Avon is what they grew up with. If your mother in law is fairly young, this might not be the case. But most older MIL’s ( Mother In Law ) are just stuck with AVON. My mother in law literally uses 5 different perfumes at the same time. Of course, I save money on air freshner but the smell that lingers from her isn’t pleasant. Think about it…five different perfumes, it’s just not pleasant.

By the way, she is also an AVON representative and hosts regular AVON parties at MY HOUSE. It’s bad enough that I come home and she is there, imagine my frustration when I see 10 more woman just like her..not fun!

It’s My House, My TV and My Remote!

I have said it time after time, I am not a typical male that likes to sit on the couch with feet up on the table watching TV all day. On a typical day I probably watch TV not for more than 2 hours. Usually at night, once the kids go to bed I like to watch a little TV with my wife and then catch some news to keep myself updated on what’s going on around the world.

My mother in law on the other hand likes to watch Infomercials. When she is around, she literally will take charge over my remote and TV and not to mention my house. As somebody older than me I show respect to her and let her do what she wants to, but after a while it starts to get a little annoying. Why the hack can’t I watch what I want to watch when I want to watch in MY HOUSE? Beats me.

I wouldn’t Have done that, but that’s ok

Hey guys, does that sound familiar? I bet it does. It’s a very common statment made my most mother in laws. You do something and although it can’t be done any better, she will say it “I wouldn’t have done that, but that’s ok.” The other day I built my children a tire swing and it was as sturdy as it could be. I was happy and quite proud of myself. My mother in law walks out on the deck and says “I wouldn’t have done that. I would rather buy them a swing set…but that’s ok.” I didn’t say anything to her but my thoughts sure did, “How about you help me out with expenses a little and stop spoiling my kids? How about you give me my wife back who you have made to think I am the worst man on earth? How about when I do things just like your son does you say something nice? How about you treat me like your son? How about you see what I have given to your daughter and grandkids? How about you just treat me as a human….how about that, you old B****?”

Yes, those are some harsh words but if you think I am an ass for writing this and expressing my feelings, you are more than welcome to come take her for couple weeks. I am sure you will have her back within a day or so… but even one day without her would be heaven for me.

I apologize, if my words were harsh and disrespectful. This is the best way to let my feelings out and I couldn’t do anything but to share it with you guys, since we talk and share things with each other. Can’t really talk to my mother in law and she has started turning my wife against me but hey that’s what mother in laws do.

There she is, I can hear her talking to my wife “What the hack does he do on the computer for hours? You sure he is not into Porn?” Goddddddddd I hate that woman

A man & wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.

The wife turns to her husband and says “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

1. Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. ~ Jane Austen
2. Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. ~ George Bernard Shaw
3. A married couple are well suited when both partners usually feel the need for a quarrel at the same time. ~ Jean Rostand
4. The only way a woman can marry now is to agree to become a charwoman, regardless of her education and skills. ~ Margaret Mead
5. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: “Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly.” Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. ~ Ruth Smythers
6. I’d like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. ~ Carrie Snow
7. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher…and that is a good thing for any man. ~ Socrates
8. Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman. ~ Herbert Spencer
9. Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. ~ Gloria Steinem
10. If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody in the whole wide world, don’t trust him. It means he experiments. A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth; with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished. ~ Frank P. Tebbetts
11. Every woman should marry—and no man. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
12. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~ Lana Turner
13. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
14. Advice to persons about to marry. ‘Don’t.’ ~ Anonymous
15. Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. ~ Voltaire
16. Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution. ~ Mae West
17. Any one must see at a glance that if men and women marry those whom they do not love, they must love those whom they do not marry. ~ Harriet Martineau
18. Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. ~ Oscar Wilde
19. Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other’s character before marriage, which is never advisable. – Oscar Wilde
20. A bachelor lives like a king and dies like a beggar. ~ L. S. Lowry
21. Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women? ~ Virginia Woolf
22. He said that, by God, D. H. Lawrence was right when he had said there must be a dumb, dark, dull, bitter belly-tension between a man and woman, and how else could this be achieved save in the long monotony of marriage? ~ Stella Gibbons
23. Hanging and wiving goes by destiny. ~ William Shakespeare
24. The early marriages of silly children…where…every woman is married before she well knows how serious a matter human life is. ~ Harriet Martineau
25. Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~ Isadora Duncan
26. As a general rule, people marry most happily with their own kind. The trouble lies in the fact that people usually marry at an age where they do not really know what their own kind is. ~ Robertson Davies
27. Being married six times shows a degree of optimism over wisdom, but I am incorrigibly optimistic. ~ Norman Mailer
28. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing. ~ Anonymous
29. Composed that monstrous animal a husband and wife. ~ Henry Fielding
30. Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long together, if ever we had been married? ~ John Gay